Divorced??
Posted on March 10th, 2010 in Divorced | 7 Comments »
My parents just got divorced I’m 15 and I’m sad. Whats your opinion on Divorcing. What should I do to help them how to I over come this sadness. My mother got mad at me when I try to be nice and she got mad. Any ideas???
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7 Responses
You are going through a hard time Adam. My husband and I have had a very bad year after I found out he’d had a couple of affairs. I have tried to stay and work things out because I have a child your age too. I want my child to have a normal happy family. I also have protected him from knowing what happened because I don’t want him to hate his dad. Know that whatever is going on with your parents is not your fault and I’m sure they have tried very hard to protect you. You can’t make things better for them. This is between them but unfortunately directly affects you. Just be open and honest with your mom about how you feel. She is going through all sorts of emotions right now and will probably cry or snap at you because you are there and she feels comfortable with you. If she gets upset when you tell her how you feel, gently remind her that you are wanting to keep things open between the two of you and that you are just expressing yourself because this is hard for you too. That should bring her back around. I know you are sad over this because your whole life has changed and you really have no control over it. But sometimes even married people have no control over this type of thing. We have no control over other people’s actions or emotions. You can feel better by simply talking with your mom, dad, your friends, perhaps a counselor at school. Stay focused on your school work and don’t let this affect your grades. When you feel sad, play some cheerful upbeat music instead of depressing songs. Get out of the house for a while and take a walk, ride a bike, go to a movie with a friend. Just know that this is NOT your fault and that your parents love you, even if things didn’t work with them.
Your Mom is going through a lot right now and although I am sure that she did not mean to be mean to you, it’s her outlet and way of dealing with the stress.
The best thing you can do is just be there. It’s helpful for your Mom to know that you are there for her.
Give her some space and time to readjust to this new lifestyle. Everything will work out alright!
I am sure she is dealing with her own feelings too. Give her space and let them both know you love them and will be there for them. You will be alright try to hang out with some of your friends and, try not to think to much about it…..good luck
Adam, sorry to hear about your parents. Mine divorced when I was 10. Be sure of this: you had nothing to do with it and no matter how much you might want to take some of the guilt (it’s human nature), you have none.
For whatever reason they didn’t work things out. Your mom is feeling like a failure, even if she is justified and the "innocent" party, she will be having lots of blame and failure feelings, not to mentioned other possible.
Keep being nice and understanding that she (they) are both going through a lot right now.
Life will get better for you, sadness is not all bad as it gives us an opportunity to look deep insider ourselves.
hey, this is a stressful time for you all. and parents make mistakes with their kids so…forgive her. don’t try to talk to much , when most of us are hurting ,we are thinking allot ,outside noise bothers us. next just sit in the same room as her ,be quiet company. then tell her "love you" before heading fore bed. I’m not saying this will turn her around fast ,nothing will do that. but she will remember back to this time later and remember the comfort you were.
Tell your mom or dad how you feel. You may feel like you are almost an adult, and that you can handle this situation and be there for your mother, but that is not your role to play.
Their divorce is affecting you and you have to let them remember that their job is to love you and nurture you until you are ready to leave the nest.
Let them know you are sad, but get busy filling your life with happiness the best way you know how. Work hard at school, and have a great time making friends or just cherishing the ones you already have.
You could volunteer to be a big brother through the Big Brother/Big Sister Association and see how much your attention means to a child younger than yourself. Or join some kind of club at your high school, start one if you have to.
Do not let yourself be pulled into your parents’ misery.
You will have plenty of time to be miserable once you grow up. Really.
Good Luck!!
While you’re trying to be nice your mom needs her "space" right now. Let her know that you’re there for her if she needs you then back off. Try to behave, not get into trouble and help out around the house, she’s going to be hurt, depressed and you’re helping out without being asked will be greatly appreciated…