starting over?
Posted on March 10th, 2010 in Starting Over | 7 Comments »
My spouse and I have been married for over 6 years. Due to a lot of little things he’s done in the past, the trust has been damaged. I’m trying to move on from the past, but I cannot get over it. I told him there is no starting over with the same person. He swears we can. That’s because he has nothing to put behind him so it’s easier said than done. He’s all talk, no action for the past 6 years. Since he’s been back from Iraq, he swears things are going to be different, but I just don’t have the energy anymore to start over with him. I’m burnt out. does anyone feel me on this, or am I just being a #!$ch?
I have told him over and over that I’m burnt out, that it’s over. He does not hear anything that I say. I tell him he needs to go. I tell him i’m not in love with him anymore. I have been telling him I want a divorce. He still thinks that we can work it out. I have 2 kids, it’s easier for him to leave the house and move back on base than for me to move all my stuff. But he won’t. He said if we get a divorce, we will sell our condo. The only thing he puts in the mortgage is his housing allowance, the rest comes from my paycheck. I feel it’s just fair if HE left and got his name out of the title. He won’t. But I don’t know what to do or how to leave because of all my stuff and my 2 kids.
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7 Responses
No, you’re not being a bitch at all. I would say that based on his history, he hasn’t changed then, what makes you think he would change now? All talk and no action is no good. Listen to your feelings. You’re burnt out. Get out of there and start anew. Life is too short.
tell him that its over, if he cires begs and says it will change, give him a shot, if not just leave. by the way your not being a b!tch
Before you give up, try marriage counseling.
US CENSUS. Divorce Per 1,000 Population. http://www.divorcereform.org/03statab.html <or> http://www.divorcereform.org/03statab.html (Table 83, Page 4)
7)About 28% of children under 18 lived with one parent, as of 1998.
Lugaila,Terry. 10% Of All Adult Americans Are Currently Divorced. http://www.divorcereform.org/marstatus.html
Lugaila,Terry. 10% Of All Adult Americans Are Currently Divorced. http://www.divorcereform.org/marstatus.html
9)Of the 28%of children under 18 who live with one parent,84% live with their mother.
Lugaila,Terry. 10% Of All Adult Americans Are Currently Divorced. http://www.divorcereform.org/marstatus.html
10)Women are 50% more likely to cheat.
Anatei,Stephanie. Women Are More Likely To Cheat With AGrowing Similarity Between The Two. Softpedia Online Magazine. http://news.softpedia.com/news/Women-Are-More-Likely-to-Cheat-on-Their-Partners-With-the-Growing-Similarity-Between-the-Two-43873.shtml
11) 40% of women cheat on their lovers,compared to 34 % of men.
Peake,Alex. Women Cheat More Than Men : Affairer Sex. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
12) 34% women fantasize about others .
Peake,Alex. Women Cheat More Than Men : Affairer Sex. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
13) Women with more than a highschool degree are 1.75% ( 41.75% overall) more likely to cheat.
Peake,Alex. Women Cheat More Than Men : Affairer Sex. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
14)Individuals of any gender who make more than $30,000 are more likely to cheat.
Peake,Alex. Women Cheat More Than Men : Affairer Sex. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
15) Divorce has been directly correlated to higher rates of alcoholism, depression, and suicide.
Peake,Alex. Women Cheat More Than Men : Affairer Sex. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
16) Proffessional women are more likely to cheat.
Peake,Alex. Women Cheat More Than Men : Affairer Sex. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
17)Proffessional women are less likely to have children.
Peake,Alex. Women Cheat More Than Men : Affairer Sex. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
18) Proffessional women, if they have children, are more likely to be unhappy about it.
Peake,Alex. Women Cheat More Than Men : Affairer Sex. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
19) Career women take up 48% of the world workforce.
Peake,Alex. Women Cheat More Than Men : Affairer Sex. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
20) Only 50% of women who earn at least $27,000 a year have children by age 40.
Peake,Alex. Women Cheat More Than Men : Affairer Sex. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
21) 81% of men who earn at least $27,000 a year have children by age 40.
Peake,Alex. Women Cheat More Than Men : Affairer Sex. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
22)Divorce knocks 4 years off of a child’s life .
Waite, Linda G. and Gallagher,Maggie. The Case For Marriage. http://www.smartmarriages.com/case.for.marriage.quiz.html
23)Woman who live with a man are 8% more likely (49.75% overall) to cheat.
Waite, Linda G. and Gallagher,Maggie. The Case For Marriage. http://www.smartmarriages.com/case.for.marriage.quiz.html
24) Alcoholism rates have risen 4.65% in the years 2001-2002, as have divorce rates which,for the same time period, have rose 4.03 %. And it has been proven that there is a direct link to alcoholism and divorce.
Anonymous. American Alcohol Abuse Continues To Rise. Medical News Magazine. 91 (2). Printed June 10th, 2004. http://www.news-medical.net/?id=2343
US CENSUS. Divorce Per 1,000 Population. http://www.divorcereform.org/03statab.html <or> http://www.divorcereform.org/03statab.html (Table 83, Page 4)
Peake,Alex. Women Cheat More Than Men : Affairer Sex. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
25) One major cause if depression is divorce.
Murray,Bob and Fortinberry, Alicia. Depression Facts and Stats. Posted January 15th,2005. http://www.upliftprogram.com/depression_stats.html
26) Rates of depression rose 7.06% from 3.03 % (10.09% overall) in the time period of 2001-2002.
Parry,Jane. Rise In Depression Rates Over Past Decade. Healthday News.
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=news&id=98725&cn=5
27) Suicide kills, on average, 55(per 100,000 ) people per year.
Anonymous. List Of Countries By Suicide Rate. Wikipedia Online. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_suicide_rate.
28)
First of all, I don’t feel like you are being a %^&ch! You are just tired of being in this rut, that is easy for him to get over, because you were not the one doing things over and over again. I think that sometimes people can move on with the same person, but it takes counseling both one on one and together. Without that then it is just not going to work. Good Luck! And just maybe being in Iraq did make him wake up and see what is really important in life, who knows.
If it is over just tell him and if you have lost the energy to start over again just say so. Don’t let anyone completely drain you of all your energy. This is not being a bi*** it is just a fact.
I have been seperated from my husband for a year and we are trying to work on things but, I’m not totally sure if it will work. It all depends on your own situation and if you can forgive. I will tell you that trying is hard and can be worth it but don’t loose your self in the process. stick to your guns and if it doesn’t feel right to you trust your feelings. Leave if you can’t.
divorce him and you get your kids take care of them